• About the Firm
    ▼
    • The Cole Law Firm
    • About Barbara Cole
  • Collaborative Divorce
    ▼
    • About Collaborative Divorce
    • Collaborative Divorce vs.  Mediation
    • About Cost
    • Switching from Litigated to Collaborative Divorce
    • Other Professionals in the Collaborative Process
    • Privacy in the Collaborative Divorce Process
    • Custody in Collaborative Divorce
    • Convincing My Spouse
  • Family Law Services
    ▼
    • Community Property Division
    • Custody
    • Pre-Marital and Post Marital Agreements
    • Parenting Plans
  • Other Legal Services
    ▼
    • Mediation Services
    • Wills and Estate Planning
    • Pre-Divorce Legal Counseling
  • Blog
  • Contact Us

Cole Law Firm

Plano, Dallas, & Addison Family Law & Divorce Attorney

Plano 972.734.1898

Kerrville 830.895.3988

  • About the Firm
    • The Cole Law Firm
    • About Barbara Cole
  • Collaborative Divorce
    • About Collaborative Divorce
    • Collaborative Divorce vs.  Mediation
    • About Cost
    • Switching from Litigated to Collaborative Divorce
    • Other Professionals in the Collaborative Process
    • Privacy in the Collaborative Divorce Process
    • Custody in Collaborative Divorce
    • Convincing My Spouse
  • Family Law Services
    • Community Property Division
    • Custody
    • Pre-Marital and Post Marital Agreements
    • Parenting Plans
  • Other Legal Services
    • Mediation Services
    • Wills and Estate Planning
    • Pre-Divorce Legal Counseling
  • Blog
  • Contact Us
You are here: Home / Blog / Divorce: When Life Changes Creating Positive Outcomes for Children

Divorce: When Life Changes Creating Positive Outcomes for Children

June 7, 2022 By Barbara Cole

It is important for parents to realize they are not the only ones going through the divorce.  Their children are going through it as well.

While children can be quite resilient and can adjust, they need to be included in divorce planning.

Children can know from the behaviors in the household that a divorce may be coming, but it can still be a challenge for the children.  Children’s questions include:

  • What is going to happen to them?  Not necessarily what’s going to happen to mom and dad, but “What’s going to happen to me?
  • Where am I going to live?
  • Who’s going to pick me up from school?
  • Is there enough money for me to do what I do?
  • Am I still going to see my grandparents?
  • Will I see my siblings or their half-siblings?” 

The parents think, “Of course, that’s going to be taken care of,” but the child doesn’t necessarily know that. 

Schedule a Consultation

Here are some tips for helping children through their parents’ divorce.

  1. Get Educated 
    Parents often think they are the experts about their children.  There is a big difference between being a parent and being educated on what might be best for your children as you contemplate divorce.
    My recommendation for parents is not to assume you know what to do, but to get educated.  Education could come by reading books, having a joint session with a parenting facilitator, or seeking out a child expert.  Go visit with that school counselor and say, “What do I need to do to help prepare my child,” before you spring it on the child that mom and dad are getting divorced.
  2. Make a Plan for the Children
    If a couple knows they are going to divorce that’s one thing.  However, if only one party  knows they are going to divorce, when you discuss with the other spouse, make a plan to work together for the children.
  3. Tell the Children Together
    It should never be just one parent telling the children.  One of the reasons I recommend an expert, or a parenting facilitator is  they can coach the parents on how to tell the children.  This isn’t about winning favoritism with the children.  They need to know there is a combined front for co-parenting.  The best way to do that is to begin the divorce process with the children by telling them together.
  4. Understand Where the Children Are Developmentally?
    A five-year-old is at a very different developmental stage than a 10-year-old or a 16-year-old.  You want to be educated on what a divorce means and how it affects a child at their developmental stage.
    Children are going through an individuation stage from their parents in addition to the divorce.  If this stage is not handled carefully, they will keep repeating it until they get through that stage appropriately.  If the child never learns to separate from their parents appropriately, then  parents may have a problem with launching into adulthood.
Schedule a Consultation

Wise Divorcing parents desire their children to have healthy mutual relationships with their family, peers and with their future partners as they move into their 20s and 30s.  Those types of changes must be handled realistically so that children can grow and be launched and have their own healthy families and relationships.

Want to Read More?

The One Piece of Marriage Advice Everyone Should Know, According to 19 Therapists
Tips to Help Weather the Stormy Seas of Divorce
“Gray Divorce” Is Soaring. What If It Comes For Your Parents?

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Children, Divorce

Contact Us

Please contact Barbara to schedule an initial consultation.

Name

Learn More About Collaborative Divorce

Order Now

https://vimeo.com/569597289?loop=0

Additional Videos

Meet Barbara

How are we different?

What made you decide to become a lawyer?

Plano Office
Shops of Legacy
7161 Bishop Rd.
Plano, TX 75024
Phone: 972.734.1898
Fax: 972.735.8413
Kerrville Office
916 Jefferson
Kerrville, TX 78028
Phone: 830.895.3988
Fax: 830.896.4861

The Cole Law Firm

Plano Office:
Shops of Legacy
7161 Bishop Rd.
Suite 220
Plano, TX 75024
Phone: 972.734.1898
Fax: 972.735.8413

Read Our Privacy Policy

Disclaimer
The information you obtain at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation. We invite you to contact us and welcome your calls, letters and electronic mail. Contacting us does not create an attorney-client relationship. Please do not send any confidential information to us until such time as an attorney-client relationship has been established.

Kerrville Office:
916 Jefferson
Kerrville, TX 78028
Phone: 830.895.3988
Fax: 830.896.4861

videos
education and past work
Play
finding an attorney
Play
advice to family law clients
Play
What is your philosophy?
Play
Background and Early Years
Play
What made you decide to become a lawyer?
Play
About the Firm
Play
Meet Barbara Cole
Play
How is your firm different from other family law firms?
Play

Follow Us

  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn

Search Our Website

Copyright © 2023 Barbara Cole, Attorney at Law · All Rights Reserved

Web Design by The Crouch Group

· · ·

Log in